The single most disappointing feature of the advertising business for me up ’till now has been the recurrent clashes between agency and client. No matter how well it begins, the agency-client relationship often becomes terribly problematic, and far too frequently and far too early it heads south. There are numerous reasons that I need not iterate here. But, sad to say, outside of the occasional agency-client dinner and postprandial liquid refreshment excesses, relations can be as cold and as fraught with difficulty as those between the U.S. and the U.S.S.R. when Berlin still had a wall.

How to solve this seemingly insoluble problem that aggravates both sides and eventuates in less than the best work environment and less than the best work product? Though I’m one of many doctors not yet confusing themselves with God, I’m still able to come up with some heavenly ideas. Here you go. God gave Moses 10 of these on the famous 2 tablets, and since the client-agency problems are surely no less difficult than the problems facing a Jewish people wandering in the desert for 40 years (doesn’t a bad day with client or agency seem worse than 40 years in a desert?), we certainly need at least 10. Therefore, I humbly present my 15 commandments for client and agency. Please note that there may be some similarities between the agency’s and clients’ tablets.

15 Commandments for Clients

1.    Remember Aretha Franklin: R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

2.    Think before you react emotionally.

3.    Don’t take your numerous everyday frustrations out on the agency.

4.    Try to walk a mile in the agency’s shoes.

5.    Remember that the agency has other issues they’re dealing with besides yours.

6.    Treat the agency as your true partner.

7.    Remember the agency employees aren’t perfect. They occasionally make mistakes. They do not do so to purposely annoy you.

8.    The agency has a lot of smart people working with them, just as you do.

9.    Remember that pharma promotion is important, but it is far from life and death.

10. Remember that the agency was interesting and fun at dinner. They don’t change into ignominious avatars of evil during the day.

11. Remember your best behavior during the pitch process. Note that that’s a statement and not a question.

12. The agency is not purposely trying to delay getting back to you with the final product just to aggravate you.

13. Every so often, a “thank you agency” or “I’m sorry agency” goes a long way.

14. Constructive criticism from the agency to you doesn’t mean that the agency thinks you’re a bunch of morons.

15. If, despite REALLY trying, you know it simply isn’t working, try being adult and split quickly on good terms. After all, you are adults.

15 Commandments for Agencies

1.    Remember Aretha Franklin: R-E-S-PE-C-T.

2.    Think before you react emotionally.

3.    Don’t take your numerous everyday frustrations out on the client.

4.    Try to walk a mile in the client’s shoes.

5.    Remember that the client has many other issues they’re dealing with besides yours.

6.    Treat the client as your true partner.

7.    Remember the client’s employees aren’t perfect. They occasionally make mistakes. They do not do so to purposely annoy you.

8.    The client has a lot of smart people working with them just as you do.

9.    Remember that pharma promotion is important, but it is far from life and death.

10. Remember that the client was interesting and fun at dinner. They don’t change into ignominious avatars of evil during the day.

11. Remember your best behavior during the pitch process. Note that that’s a statement and not a question.

12. The client is not purposely trying to delay getting back to you with their comments just to aggravate you.

13. Every so often, a “thank you client” or “I’m sorry client” goes a long way.

14. Constructive criticism from the client to you doesn’t mean that the client thinks you’re a bunch of morons.

15. If, despite REALLY trying, you know it simply isn’t working, try being adult and split quickly on good terms. After all, you are adults.

So, your client’s giving you a headache this afternoon? Your agency’s been raising your blood pressure all day long? This doctor’s prescription? You guessed it: Take 2 tablets and call them in the morning.